I have the profound blessing and privilege of sitting in circles with mothers. This ‘circle sitting’ all began when I invited a handful of mothers to my home to explore circling and if it could be a valuable tool for us. Initially, I was the facilitator, though now the facilitation rotates. Six of us have met every other week for five years now and our Circle of Mothers has become a place of refuge for us all. Though we know each woman’s history, personal stories, struggles and challenges…our primary focus and intent is to be authentic with each other as we uplift, inspire, encourage and celebrate the divinity within each of us. Our circle has become the safest, most loving place in our lives. We laugh as we think to the future, knowing we will meet when our bones are tired and our breasts hang down to our knees (except for a few of us less-endowed women!)

We gathered together for an overnight retreat. Our agenda was to explore our ’shadow side.’ We weren’t totally sure how this would unfold, but there was a lot up in our lives and gosh, just look at the world. We just knew we would learn something that would support us in being more fully present-with our partners and our children-and ultimately with ourselves.

We arrived at Kristen’s empty (because its ‘for sale’) house with wood for the woodstove, food for pizza-making, breakfast goodies, bottles of wine, (Jacqueline brought enough to bathe in!) pink champagne glasses, sleeping bags, pillows and pads. We stacked bags of clothes for our clothing swap (how women love clothes, huh?!). Backjacks formed a circle around our altar. Our personal sacred items were placed on our altar where we would later do our inner work.

Toasting to ourselves and each other, working like a well-oiled clock, we used Maria’s homemade dough and fresh basil to make delicious pizzas. Stripping to our undies (and less), we tried on each other’s clothes and and easily filled our closets back up. Linda loves my clothes, I love hers…we laughed and had as much fun as if we were on a shopping spree. We ate chocolate, updated each other on our lives, drank more wine, laughed and reveled in each other-our true soul sisters.

With full bellies, new clothes and a slight wine buzz, we finally settled around our altar. We weren’t sure what would unfold. We felt nervous, curious and excited to do this ‘work’ together. We held hands, opened our hearts and created our sacred circle. We smudged with sage and feathers to clear our energies and ground in the moment. It was late but we didn’t care…we had all night. A mother’s spiritual pajama party…

We all brought a willingness to jump into what we were calling our dark side-the part of us that we don’t want others to see-the part of us that we wish wasn’t there-the part of us that we don’t easily embrace. Jackie brought a simple process that we decided to explore, it seemed almost too simple but ended up being simply profound.

“Think of a person you respect and admire” she guided “and write ten things you love about them. Don’t think too much, just write whatever comes into your mind.” We scribbled. Easy, squeezy…its simple to look for love. “Okay, now” guided Jackie, “think of someone you really don’t like…someone who pushes your buttons. Write ten things that you don’t like about that person.” With permission to look for the negative, we dove in, pens scratching. Truly, none of us struggled with this part either After all, it wasn’t us we were dissing…

Pens down, eyes up, hearts open…it was time for the next segment. We went around our circle, one mama at a time and shared three positive things we loved about someone and three negative things we didn’t like and….gulp! claimed them as our own. These traits, both the positive and the negative, were our very own projections. We saw them in others because they lived in us: Positivity, beauty, love, kindness, wisdom, optimism, patience, safety…ummmm….Negativity, harshness, judgment, anger, impatience, criticalness, self-centeredness….uhhhh…..We talked to integrate this learning and because, well, we women love to talk! We had insights and revelations about ourselves and each other. Yes, we discovered, all of everyone’s traits-both the negative and the positive-lived in all of us. We are all one.

We did a visualization where we went to our inner closet and pulled a box forward. This box was filled with our shadow stuff-the stuff that we usually push away. We put the box in the light, we tied it with a ribbon, we embraced it as a gift as we gave thanks for its presence in our lives. I put my box into the light of my heart. We are all connected. We mothers know that. Our children lived in us. Separation is an illusion. We are learning to treat ourselves as gently as we treat our children. We are learning to be with the part of us that judges, that is grumpy…we are learning to be our authentic selves.

My deepest gratitude to my sisters Jacqueline, Jackie, Kristen, Maria and Linda. Our circle is a symbol of our love. Our collective love is a soothing, healing balm of sisterhood. Our children will grow up and move into their own homes (mine have already) and I just know that we will continue to be a strong presence in each other’s lives. Mamaste…